60 Observations

I turned 60 yesterday. Thanks to all my friends who got in touch with me via phone, text and Facebook to wish me a happy birthday. It’s a simple thing, but so appreciated. In honor of this milestone, here are a few observations:

1. Floss picks are the 2018 version of cigarette butts. People love to toss them on the ground.
2. If you see someone driving a convertible in April, the heat is on.
3. It’s very important to know your fish guy.
4. Everyone looks ridiculous power walking.
5. Getting a dog to take a pill is like wrestling an alligator.
6. No one knows who took your phone charger.
7. Everyone is annoyed by your crying baby on a plane. Saying “shhhhh” for 45 minutes isn’t helping.
8. One of the strangest experiences is beer shopping with your child.
9. Everybody dreads the day their child leaves for college.
10. If you buy two identical pairs of jeans, one will fit much better than the other.
11. An airport is a wonderful place to people watch.
12. Having a party is a good excuse to clean your refrigerator and oven.
13. One person will drive you insane on a group tour or trip.
14. When in doubt, deodorant.
15. Cutting into line is never cool.
16. The recycling bin isn’t big enough and is always full.
17. Cleaning your half of the dorm room at the end of the year is not optional.
18. A glass of wine solves a lot of problems.
19. If you’re looking for your missing soup bowls, check your son’s room.
20. You’re I-Phone will run out of juice when you want to take a long walk.
21. You will discover your Fitbit is out of battery after taking a two-hour walk.
22. Pot-sized spaghetti is a great idea.
23. It’s OK to make a fool out of yourself doing a line dance at a wedding.
24. A professional blow-out is a great investment before a big event.
25. No one over age 50 really gets the whole destination wedding thing.
26. A lot of people are happy TLC brought back “Trading Spaces.”
27. “Naked & Afraid” is the stupidest show on TV.
28. No one answers their house phone any more.
29. Whoever invented cordless vacuums is a genius.
30. It’s impossible to call back the people claiming to have an arrest warrant for you for IRS violations.
31. The DMV is an exercise in frustration.
32. People are honored when you ask their advice in the supermarket check-out line.
33. Eating two cheeseburgers without buns for lunch is not dieting.
34. I have no idea how to hasten the ripening process for avocados.
35. Misplacing your credit card is the most unsettling feeling in the world.
36. A lot of Americans really don’t get the whole World Cup soccer thing.
37. Watching golf is way more relaxing than playing it.
38. No one understands why people put swing sets in the front yard.
39. Sushi is overrated.
40. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who love curry and those who don’t.
41. You will see the same woman in the supermarket every time you’re there.
42. The bagger in the supermarket checkout line will leave the second your order is being rung up.
43. Marriage is a work in progress.
44. No one understands why you let your daughter leave the house with her rear-end hanging out of her shorts.
45. No one over 50 understands the whole fake eyelash thing.
46. Ice cream solves a lot of problems.
47. Everyone is shocked by their vet bill.
48. You will want to go to the dump on the one day it’s closed.
49. Good friends will buy you lunch, and visa versa.
50. People get really mad when they let you into traffic and you don’t acknowledge them with a wave or nod of your head.
51. Your home really is your castle.
52. You can’t relax until you get the fly out of the kitchen.
53. Low slung jeans are very uncomfortable after age 50.
54. Happiness is more important than success.
55. Smiling at strangers is an amazing ice breaker.
56. It’s important to make time for family.
57. Arborists spend their lives looking up.
58. Losing a tree is like losing an old friend.
59. Hiking is way harder than walking.
60. 60 isn’t so bad.