A woman walked into the supermarket the other day around dinner time. Her hair was perfect, she was wearing 4-inch spike heels, skinny white jeans and a peasant top. She had an air that screamed, “I’m just a little bit superior.”
OK, maybe it was just me. My hair was a mess, and I was wearing a golf skirt (never a particularly good look) with a few golf balls bulging in the pockets. The FlyLady (Finally Loving Yourself) would frown; she advises followers to always fix their hair and face and dress to shoes before leaving the house.
I shared this with the Kale Queen and she confessed to dressing up to grocery shop. As a professional and a bit of a minor local celebrity (she’s the former town attorney), she doesn’t want to encounter people looking like a schlump. I understand. But I don’t care what I look like in the supermarket. I don’t notice people food shopping unless it’s an adult wearing pajama pants.
This got me thinking. There are a bunch of things that women do that baffle and well, drive me a little nuts. See if any resonate with you.
- The Supermarket Strutter: See above.
- The Speed Racer: There’s an unwritten code in pushing supermarket carts. I don’t know how we learn the correct pace, but it’s not fast or aggressive. Today, a Speed Racer nearly knocked me over whizzing through the aisle. Not cool.
- The Inconsiderate Shopper: Is there anything more maddening than gazing at kitchen cabinet polishers from a distance and having shoppers walk right in front of you without excusing themselves? When I walk through someone’s line of vision, you can bet I’m saying “excuse me.” It’s just common courtesy.
- The Compliment Taker: The woman whose dress you compliment at a wedding to be polite. She stares at you and says, “Thanks,” never returning the compliment.
- Fake-Shy Women: Women who are aloof at parties. When you complain to your spouse that they’re unfriendly, he says they’re shy. They’re not shy. They’ve got a lot to say, just not to you.
- Buttinsky Moms: Women who butt into their kids’ relationships with other kids. We’re all tempted sometimes, but it’s important to remember it’s kid stuff. As they used to say in preschool, let them work it out.
- One-Way Facebook/Instagram Friends: You like their posts and they never give you a like or heart. Meanwhile, they’re liking all their other “friends” and “followers.” You wonder why they don’t like you.
- The Interrogators: Women who ask, “Are you working yet? Well, why don’t you write a blog?” Uh, I am. “How many followers do you have?”
- Thoughtless Party Guests: You invite them to parties for 10 years and they never reciprocate. You send them invitations or Evites and they don’t RSVP.
- The Inexplicable Inviters: Come to the bridal shower, not the wedding. When did this start?
- The Obnoxious Shoppers: Women who bark at cashiers and other store workers. I was at Ikea one day with my kids and a woman threatened to bring a kitchen trash can full of waste to the cashier’s station because she forgot to buy the top the previous day and he said she couldn’t buy just the top. You know it’s bad when even your kids say so. I have a lot of sympathy for store workers since working at Sears Service Center in college. I was the one who called people after they stayed home waiting for the service guy and told them he wasn’t coming. Most people took it pretty well, but there were exceptions.
- The Break Seekers: Mothers who show up at the playground looking for a nap around 3 p.m. when the second shift of parenting begins. They park their car, let their kids out and have other moms watch them while they sleep. Yes, this happened to me.
- Loud Breathers/Moaners in Yoga: Instead of your breath, you’re focused on, “When is it going to stop?”
- Excessive Workplace Cleavage: The female body is a work of art. But some women flaunt cleavage in professional settings. This happened at a cross country meet. A female trainer gave my husband and every other guy a free show while she tended to an injured runner. They loved it, but it made me very uncomfortable.
- Bathroom Talkers: Women who conduct business in public restrooms with total disregard to where they are or who else is in the room.
- Supermarket Snubbers: That moment when you see someone you know and she avoids eye contact and slips into the next aisle. I’m guilty too, but what’s the big deal? Just smile, nod or say hi.
- Rude Play Date Makers: This is one of my biggest pet peeves. You’re at the pre-school playground with your 4-year-old daughter and a clutch of women plan their next playdate in front of you. Can you say social outcast?
- The Scolders: Sorry, but after you’ve run your own ship, moms don’t want to be scolded by other women. This happened to me the other day when a woman upbraided me over the phone. The mom in me responded, “I really don’t appreciate your tone.”
- The Proud Mommies: Women who share their kids’ entire academic records, including how many honors and AP classes they’re in, on the sidelines of a sporting event.
- Calamity Janes: Women who call their friends every day and launch into monologues about their problems without asking how you are.
- Ungrateful Organizers: Women who ask for help the day before an event and then give you the grunt work while they do all the fun stuff.
- Perfect Moms: You want to commiserate, but can’t because their kids are perfect and they’ve never been bored or stressed staying home with kids.
- Abusive Moms: These are the women who make you think, “If she’s like this in public, what’s she like at home?”
- Advice Seekers Who Ignore Your Advice: Women who ask for your input and ignore your advice all the time. A friend complained about this the other day. Her friend always asks for parenting advice, but never listens.
- Sour Pusses: The Curmudgeon gave me the head’s up on this one. He was at a law school lecture and a prominent criminal defense attorney advised: Never pick a female juror with a mouth like a chicken’s ass.
- Oblivious Mothers: Women who shop and look unfazed while their infants or children scream or throw tantrums, disrupting the entire store for what seems like eternity. Ditto for church. That’s why there are crying rooms.